LaTanya Blackmon
Self control is a
learned behavior that must be practiced. Many people lack self control in at
least one area or in many areas of their being.
When babies are born, all they desire, is to have their needs meet. When
they’re hungry, they don’t understand the concept of waiting. They want it now and will cry until they
receive it. They will cry until their
desires are fulfilled. As children
become older, the ability to wait increases.
The skill to wait for food or to receive a toy increases. This behavior
is learned through the process of endurance.
The steadiness of learning to wait becomes stronger. If a child receives
everything he wants, when he asks for it, then he is trained to get what he
wants every time he wants it. He doesn’t learn the gift of patience. Self
control is the ability to practice that patience, which develops over the
years.
Self control is strength
of will, an ability to control or restrain yourself in your emotions, desires,
your expressions and through your behavior.
Galatians 5:22-23 mentions the fruit of having self control or should I
say the fruit of temperance.
Lacking self control is
more than a child having a temper tantrum in the middle of a crowded
store. It goes beyond receiving a phone
call from the care provider or teacher because the child became angry. It goes
beyond a child throwing a toy or refusing to do his homework. Teaching your child self control is one of
the most important gifts you could provide.
However, is sometimes hard to achieve in certain areas. Learning
self-control does not happen through lectures and punishments.
The inability to use
self control has plagued all of us at one time or another, whether the lack of
self control resides in eating habits, attitude, spending habits, anger,
talking too much, abuse of drugs or alcohol, sexual habits or even
responsibility; you have been subject to lacking self control at some point in
your life. The problem is; when this
goes unmanaged or becomes consistent, it can be life threatening for you and
for your family.
Would practicing and
managing self control end all of your problems? I can’t say that it will. But
it sure will make life less complicated. It will provide accessibility to some
of your desired luxuries. Your
relationships could improve. Your
child’s relationships could also improve. What if you never realize the areas
for which you lack self control? Then you lose out on the blessings that come
from God and from the people whom you interact with. If you never realize the areas for which you
lack self control, then you may omit yourself from receiving a raise or promotion,
or even an opportunity to help your own child.
Imagine your child
going to school and receiving a negative report almost daily. Each time the Teacher speaks to you about it,
you take away the video games as punishment but other privileges remain
available; such as watching television or playing outdoors. When the child goes
to school the next day and continues to rebel against the rules or disrespects
the consequence, you can’t seem to understand why your child is having these
problems. Children with poor self
control and planning abilities are more likely to have aggressive behavior
problems. As your child grows, he then develops a rebellion against following
the rules of society. This can land your
child in a terrible place when he becomes an adult.
Can you resist
distraction? Can you handle your own emotions? Can you delay gratifications and
plan ahead? Teaching children to have self control begins with you. As you acknowledge that you need it and work
at developing and strengthening areas for which you are weak, your child will
also develop. Children learn by what
they are continually exposed to. It
won’t happen through one teachable moment or situation, but through discovery
and repetition.
Here are some steps to
assist you with helping your child to develop self control;
- Help your child to recognize his impulse by breaking down and explaining the process before he makes a bad choice.
- Help your child develop specific strategies on what he could do instead of the poor choice he made. Teach your child how to think before he acts and to learn from his failures.
- Create an environment that will allow your child to learn and follow a consistent schedule.
- Help your child to develop his attention skills and expand his memory.
- Play games that would help your child to practice self control.
- Unite your child with an organized sports team or activities that will assist in developing self control.
- Use a counting and timeout technique.
- Outline the boundaries you want your child to follow; such as using gray tape when you don’t want your child to cross a specific area.
- Don’t lecture . Give your child a chance to try again. It’s not the end of the world. Give him grace.
- Be consistent. Stick to your guns and Show lots of love.
Great post... really enjoyed thinking further about self control and how I can help my children practice more self control.
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