The Ugly Truth
Children are so precious. When I think about my own, I believe they are the most beautiful children in the world and I will do anything to make sure they are well taken care of. Even in their imperfections, they make momma proud. You probably believe the same about your children, right? As parents, we often put their needs before our own. They’re born as these little magnificent people and as they grow, they develop their own interesting and amusing personalities. Think about it, when your little angel was born, you adored him more than life itself.
Well, I know I did
When my children were born, I decided to become a stay-at-home mom because it was important to me that to bond and nurture them during the first few years of their lives. I wanted to be certain they were protected and that our relationship was secure. Then, the season came when it was time for them to begin daycare. Specifically for my two youngest children. They began attending daycare at approximately 3 and 4 years of age. Life was grand. I began working a full-time job. After spending each day and all day with my children, it was nice to get out of those house clothes and dress professionally again. I felt good about myself. I was able to use my college degree in a field which I enjoyed. Even better, I was able to interact with adults on a different level, instead of only communicating with other moms about kid stuff, while playing on the swings the park.
I was excited about my children attending daycare. I had spent a few years as a stay-at-home mom, nurturing them and teaching them what they needed to know up to the stage of being a toddler. My children were developed and well prepared for being in a classroom setting, congregating with their peers and becoming more independent.
As I would pick up my children each day, happy to see them, they would run up to me and give me a huge hug; it was the best part of my entire day.
Have you ever picked up your child from school or daycare and the Teacher informed you that your child is defiant and cruel to other children? How did you respond? What were your thoughts?
During your conversation with the Teacher, did you think to yourself; “that can’t be my child? My child doesn’t behave that way”. You continue listening and then inform the Teacher that you will speak to your child about the behavior. The truth of what the Teacher says is difficult to understand because you have never witnessed that kind of behavior in your child nor has anyone else ever mentioned that behavior to you (or maybe they have).
When you get home, you ask your child about the situation and what the Teacher informed you but your child denies the behavior. Your child tells you about how other students are getting him in trouble or that the Teacher is picking on him.
As the school year prolongs, you begin receiving more negative reports from the Teacher regarding your child’s behavior. You begin to feel like you need to get to the bottom of this situation. In a meeting with the Teacher and your child, your child becomes coy as the Teacher tells you about specific occasions when your child is disruptive and he isn't following to the rules. The Teacher informs you that your child is constantly redirected in class.
The Truth is; your child has become a problem child. Your child is not the angel you thought he/she was. Now it’s time to accept and acknowledge the Ugly Truth.
No Parent wants to believe their child is causing problems. You don’t want to believe that your child is the ring leader and that the other children who are also getting in trouble are being influenced by your child. Your little angel is growing and learning in a way that you didn’t anticipate. Your child is now becoming the origin of all your troubles. It’s difficult to receive a negative report after a negative report, day after day.
“What did I do wrong?”
…this is what you ask yourself. However, instead of placing blame on yourself or anyone else; Take Action! Accept the Truth, no matter how ugly it may be. Acknowledge that there is more work which needs to be done at home in order to assist your child at becoming a positive and quality human being. Adding or changing the structure of your environment will provide a sense of safety for both you and your child. Believe it or not, children yearn for structure and security. Maybe that’s been missing in your environment lately. Maybe your typical schedule has changed recently.
You may need to visit the school and have lunch with your child on occasion. Volunteering in the classroom is a great way to show your child that you are an active parent. Parenting is not always going to be an easy task. There will be seasons of difficulty. However, there are strategies that can be implemented in order to redirect your child and get them back on a healthy and constructive path. Either way, don’t be discouraged. It’s not the end of the world. But it is time to realize that some changes are due and it’s appropriate to reevaluate your situation.
Remember, It’s not the end of the World
LaTanya Blackmon, Certified Professional Life Coach & Parent Coach